is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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