Me. At least after what I've been through.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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