i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
