I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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