I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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