im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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