he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
