I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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