I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
