I'm gonna have a badass scar
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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