I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
