69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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