What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
