you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
