what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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