how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
