The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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