do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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