Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
