saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize