I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
