lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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