my vag is so smooth its legendary
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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