i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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