She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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