your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
