so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
