Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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