who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
