Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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