I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
