you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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