If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
