thus making me awesome and them whores
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
