Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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