you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
