my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
