There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
