I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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