I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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