10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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