Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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