if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
