Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Pants are for mortals
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
