i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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