Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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