when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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