just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
