my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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