Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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