he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
