there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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