Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize