She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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