Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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