dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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