Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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