Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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