She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
