If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
