dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
