ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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