OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
