I swear she didn't look like that last week.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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