i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
