I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think a kid would responsible me up
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
