I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
