i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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