we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
