When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I deserve this hangover.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
