There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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