Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
