My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
