He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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