If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
