Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
