I could have mohawked her pubes.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
